Beach Haiku

Wind shrieks past my hair

Green masses ripple on rocks

Clouds shroud the dark beach

Tangled

Well i tried to put a picture up to make a poem with the picture... but it didn't work. Anyways the picture is on my flickr account and its of a dead rose in my room tangled in necklaces.So I'm still going to write the poem to go with the picture, but you just can't see the picture on my blog... But you can see it on my flickr.

Tangled and wrapped by chains.
My rose is bounded by my necklaces.

Yearning for the thirst to be quenched.
My rose is dead not a drop of water in its system.

Strangled by the metal grip of society.
My rose is locked up inside my room.

Dependance for survival.
My rose stands straight because of my mirror.

My rose is dead.
but no.Not I.

However....

We both do have a special link.
Which is that we must have societies drink.

My teddy bear is quite the extraordinary ordinary

His name is teddier. So original isn't it? He smells like lavender juices. He has a pouty tummy. He's not happy, he has a tiny centimeter line as a mouth. His nose is ripped up, the threading is mostly gone. The threading looks like its supposed to be red, but its brownish now. His eyes are reddish but black. He does not feel soft.... at all. He feels matted and sticky. His ears are half circles and small. He has stocky arms and legs. He has a tail and its circular and small. It says gund on his tag, he was made in korea, he is machine washable on gentle cycle dry on low heat and remove promptly.His tag is disgusting and is turning brownish blackish. But.... I still love him, I don't think theres a night since i was four that i havent slept without him. Unless i went out of the country or out of state. Literally, one time when me and my mom and stepdad went to the hamptons which is really far i left him there in some hotel room.... And i made my parents call the hotel.. find him.. and mail him back to us.. I am extremely close to this teddy bear. I do not even know where i got him from, all i know is that i totally forgot that i still sleep with him, until just now.

My stream of conciousness.

blue yellow green mommy daddy fingers nails pink gabby flowers the blinds are skeleton drawing charcoal black and white bob marley has fan lights feathers on headband drawer cartoon t.v clock purple eyes billy billy florida hate is stupid confused dumb fuck not happy but laughing this is hysterical what is going on laughing toothpaste pillows teddy bear is smiling freaky weird work goth kid halloween customers hate being cashier twelve cents missing buttons yellow.....yellow green gray nails time flies by ten minutes red colors color theory theories earth stephen hawking black holes paralyzed swinging swings at playground happiness dizzy gross woodchips kyle brother braces seventh grade awkward had big ass glasses black hair wigs halloween work tomorrow hate money though money is silly love is better beatles strawberry fields george walrus seals killer whales marine life zoo tycoon sims daddy grandma da dialysis diabetes anxiety fear unknown who what to say next confused green air conditioning numbers mighty b cartoon nickeolodeon spongebob gabby love hate evil good bad moon sun im done.

I don't get me.

Im not like many other people.
or
to me that is how i feel.
Some see me as naive or innocent.
So to be accepted I fit into that role.
Just to feel accepted.
but most of the I time hate people.
I try not to, but people fucking tick me off sometimes.
I want to say the truth, and breathe more confidently.
but I can't, I truly do not like myself. I never have, and I dont think I ever will.
It something that stemmed from a long time ago.
I never let my true feelings out, EVER. I think that is my main problem with people.
How are they supposed to know how I feel, if i don't let them in?
I always put the mask on, that I'm fine with what what's going on and that I dont care. Truth is I do care, and it does hurt me.
Im very confused, I dont know what to do, I don't even know if all that im saying is true. For me the truth is insanity, if I express myself too much I will be hurt.

Sometimes I think I am a prisoner of my own thoughts.

This actually made me cry, because I realize I don't know what I want. Probably sounds pathetic and normally i would say i dont care what you think, but i do. And i think most of the people who say they don't care, do care what others think of them.

Death Haiku

Death rains down fury

Destroying mortality

Disturbed with the fear

Poor little raisin

Little underappreciated raisin,
your more than you seem...

The hardships you went through are never recongnized.
Once a juicy,plump grape with a smooth clean texture.

Oh! but you have grown so old.
Becoming a crinkly, smelly, withered ball so squishy like...
rotting flesh-

But you taste so delightful,
with your beautiful scent of sweetness.

If only one knew how much you went through,
they would see your not to different from an aging grandparent...
Filled with wisdom and tenderness.

IMAGINE meeting these people

1) John Lennon
2)Bob Marley
3)Jimi Hendrix
4)J.K Rowling
5)Ken Kesey
6)Ghandi
7)Wilfred Owen
8)Seth Rogen
9)Princess Diana
10)Pocahontas

Springboard

How am I feeling right now?

I feel like I have been really really used and taken advantage of. I am actually a very nice person, maybe too nice. So I do not get why someone would say all these things, and clearly state that I WILL NOT IGNORE YOU, but unsuprisingly they are. However, this person told me not ignore them or push them away, and told ME to tell THEM that when I am feeling as if I'm being ignored to tell them. So I did. And this person so happens to be ignoring me right now when I know he has his phone because I'm not dumb, and only two days was talking fine to me and said yeah "lets chill tonight", but then odd enough that same night he started ignoring me. So I do not get it, mind you this person was the first in this conversation that day to text me. But something must be really wrong with them, or they have major moodswings because I do not get how you can go from talking so much to a person and saying yes we will chill, to completely ignoring them for two days. Yet, this has happened before and Im pretty stupid and still went to hang out with him the last time this happened, and funny enough he told me he was ignoring me that time. So what are they going to do tell me again they were ignoring me? And i honestly do not know what to do because i do like this person and i do understand they have issues, but why is it always convenient for them but never for me?

this was actually a very good way for me to vent.

Continuing an Owen poem

One of my favorite poets of all time is Wilfred Owen. I love how he writes his poems from within and its also appealing because its all from the experiences he had as a soldier during WWI in his short lived life.

This line is the most appealing to me its from "Exposure" and it is, " Pale flakes with lingering stealth come feeling for our faces--."

So now im going to try to continue from there...

Pale flakes with lingering stealth come feeling for our faces--
Brushing quietly amongst thy cheek, stirring us from sleep.

We watch as the sun creeps along the horizon..we cry out in despair-
Morning is breaching -- another day of unknown fears.

How do we attain freedom? There is always demons holding us back,
Conquering us with their terror, we cannot live without the feeling of dread.

No ways to suppress this tidal of restlessness, other than living them out day..by..day and night..by..night.

Life

The term Life is just a word composed of four letters, yet has so much meaning in it according to most people, to me however it is one of the biggest questions that can never be answered and has very little importance. I think that this term or definition of life to me is the first topic of my first blog ever because I hope to discover the most out of it, and as little meaning it has to me now, I hope to get more out of it in the future. One of the reasons I feel this way about life have very little importance is because I do not understand it, at all... I do not get the point of why we are here.

Ongoing assessment